End of week 3!

In a bid to wake myself up a bit on these dark mornings, I've been trying to read at least one chapter of my book. A chance to lose myself for just 5 minutes or so in a different world, and also, in the hope that it will get the imagination going in some way. I read yesterday that to be a good writer, you need to read lots and I certainly do that! So does that mean each time I read, I can call it research....?
I think I'm going to have to start looking properly at all the things I do outside of work, try and get the balance right. Heard last night about all the future plans for our choir, and its going to be a busy year and beyond, but one suggestion is that I spend more time on learning pieces for choir. I could see the point, and I want to get things right, but not at the expense of the other things I enjoy doing, that's the last thing I want. In that way, I need to use the spare time I do have in a much more constructive and oragnised way- making the time to write as well as sing- the last thing I want to do is make myself unhappy by taking the enjoyment out of the things I love.

' You don't need a plan to start writing a book. All you need is an idea'- Natasha Lester

And the rest will come as you start to write! This is especially what I am finding at the moment. I keep coming back to the same story. I love the initial idea and just want to build on it, but sometimes struggle with overwriting and going off in the wrong direction ( suppose that's what editing is for!) But I'm determined to keep adding to it, I'll get there in the end!

' Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts, you need to start somewhere' Anne Lamont

So true! Now excited to go back and look at all the projects I've already started and see what happens next, or what new ideas come along!

Day 14

'Do, or do not. There is no try' - Yoda

A quote from my favourite Star Wars character. I have registered on Pin Interest today, following a suggestion from a friend, to find lots of thoughts and advice on writing, so a very useful tool to keep an eye on, on a daily basis. But Yoda is right. I constantly feel like I am trying, but I'm either writing or I'm not, there's no middle ground (its called procrastination!). I've been learning that the hard way, inspiration coming in short bursts and not always when I want it to, but you can't force these things either. Despite a fantastic evening  last night of live music and some ideas for articles, nothing seems to be flowing so far today. But the day is not yet over, so I will keep plodding on...

'Write a page a day, only 300 words and in a year, you will have a novel' -Stephen King

Another fantastic quote and something I can at least aspire to, realistically. The hardest part of starting out as a writer is finding your way, your voice, and knowing what to write each day. I'm often scribbling ideas and reading books for inspiration. But I still consider that as 'doing'- it will all contribute to something eventually. I've also given myself a number of projects that I could potentially be working on, depending on where the mood takes me, and in the hope that I can at least do a little bit on one, if not any of the others.

'If a story is in you, it has to come out'- Elizabeth Adeniyi

Taking inspiration from someone else's words and making them your own. That is essentially what all of us as writers are doing. Whether it's from something you've read, heard or seen. Have no fear and believe in the talent you have been given, you never know where it will take you.

Day 13

I don't really like this time of year, work wise. It's too quiet and I find myself with not much keep me busy. At least I now have my writing to fill in the time, but you do end up feeling guilty when you're getting paid for a job and seemingly just using the time to do your own thing (well I do). It would be so lovely to be able to do what you love each day as some people are lucky enough to do, but for the meantime, for the rest of us, its back to reality and the 'day' job', and trying to find the time to do what we really love in between.
I've spent some time today trying a new kind of writing, rather more emotional than practical. It was suggested to me by a good friend and can be quite useful when emotions take over from your writing. I still have this strange headache ( a week on) and I'm starting to think that some of it's caused by tension( personal) which then affects my whole mood. I've been putting all this frustration into a letter to the person (at this time) who is bothering me, and although it will never be sent, has certainly made be feel slightly better. freeing up my mind to focus on other things. Now to attempt to spend the rest of the day pondering some 'actual' writing, see what happens....

Day 12

Isn't it annoying and frustrating when the words come at the wrong time? After a whole day of nothing, the evening was spent working on my story, and a good amount despite the mood earlier in the day. At least I achieved what I wanted, that's the main thing. And then, as I'm attempting to go to bed, the ideas are whirring round in my mind, no settling down to sleep until its all scribbled down. But I suppose that's what being a writer is all about and inspiration really can come at any time (night or day), however inconvenient that may be!
So from last night, the good 'mood' has continued into today. I received feedback on my column piece, all positive and made the suggested changes, and now I'm on the rota! It's official, I am now a contributor to the Leighton Buzzard Observer 'Write Away' column and I couldn't be more excited to see my first piece in a few weeks time, in a printed paper! I'm excited too, to be able to add something else to my achievements so far in writing. They may not mean much to anyone else, but its all important to me, in allowing me to continue to expand and explore my writing voice. I'm determined today to spend my time more wisely, if not much work to do, writing it is, as plenty to be working on!
Saw a good quote on my way out for lunch:

' If you don't believe in yourself, no-one else will'

So true! The more I've believed in my writing, the more positive feedback I've received and it keeps me going on the not so good days. Having something, however small, published, either in the paper or in the anthology makes everything feel so much more real, does that mean I can start calling myself a writer now?

Week 3- day 11

The sun is shining and it's a beautiful autumnal day. Then why do I feel so fed up?? Just looking out the window should lend itself to a wealth of ideas, yet today I have none. It's that Monday feeling again, and its not just affecting my work mood, but also my creativity. Nothing has inspired me so far, so despite not having much work to do, I haven't managed to fill the time with any writing either. Managed to read during lunch, in my normal spot, used the time to just think and lose myself in another world, one I think I would much rather be in today. Still not that many ideas, but already planning to try and work on my story later, so that's got to be a small positive at least, that I'm thinking about it! So as I feel that I don't have a lot to say today, instead I want to share a poem that reflects on how I'm feeling. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.....

Writers Block

Just staring at the blank page or into space ahead

Not knowing where to start, doing other things instead

Feeling  a strong need to just write down

The words in my head keep running around

So easily distracted, either by TV or book

Putting pen to paper, the last place to look

Hating the days when I hit that wall

Feeling useless, no inspiration at all

No creativity flowing through my veins

Nobody to assist me, take the reins

Body wound up and tensed right through

Emotions raging, don’t know what to do.

Waiting for the ideas to come or flow

Listening for snippets of conversation to make me go

Shutting off my mind from the world that surrounds

Focusing on the creativity to get off the ground

End of week 2!

' Nothing wrong with having a dream, sometimes they even come true'

A good quote from a person close to me, thank you for spurring me on! Started the day well with more ideas on what to include in 'Write Away' column. The more I've thought about the idea, the more excited I am to be included (if I'm good enough). I've already drafted my first idea and looking forward to feedback from my fellow writers (who already write for the column) to see if its along the right lines, I hope so. It will be another avenue for my writing, allowing me to learn to write to a deadline and a specific word count as well as maybe finding and honing my 'voice'.
When I decided I wanted to explore creative writing I never envisaged that a year or so on, I would have done the courses that I've done and joined a writers group, let alone expanded on my writing. I just thought poetry was my thing, but now I've started a handful of short stories, a blog and considered contributing to a regular newspaper column and even been 'published' in our anthology! Just goes to show that anything can happen if you put your mind to it, and when I'm having a bad day, feeling like I've hit a wall, I need to remember how far I've already come.
Writing makes me happy. I feel like I have some kind of purpose. I'm not sure why I didn't think about it earlier. I suppose we all dream to be this fantastic writer someday ( and I will keep on dreaming and hoping), but unless you unlock that creativity, and let the pen hit the paper, its not going to happen. I'm so happy that I unleashed my dragon, and hope that it continues to grow.

Day 9

All I seem to have done this morning is stare at my computer or out the window and procrastinate. I know I said about doing my own thing alongside work, but don't seem to have achieved anything of either so far. Feeling a bit flat and wound up for no reason, so will attempt to turn it into something more positive, writing it down! Already by putting pen to paper I can feel some of the tension easing slightly. The strange headache  mentioned is still there, almost like my head is too full, emotions and words unable to escape and flow easily. Or maybe it is some kind of seasonal thing, I know the change in weather and seasons can affect people in different ways, the dark mornings and damp and cold weather have certainly affected my mood over the last couple of weeks. I seem to spend a lot of time on the go, trying to fit everything in, like I said, sometimes work just gets in the way, but unfortunately it is a necessity! Coffee was needed to wake me up and then once I'd started one thing, I felt somewhat better and able to concentrate a little better. Relaxing music through the headphones has also been a factor!
Something else that has helped today, and I should maybe think more about each day is faith. Recently I feel I'm trying to take it more seriously, instead of for granted as it's always been a part of my life. Its become clearer, helped me to focus and take time out in order to unburden and clear my mind. In that respect I feel its very much like writing, and so not only do I have faith in my life and myself, I also believe in my writing. A bit deep, but something I needed to share. And so in the words of the book I'm reading by Mitch Albom, 'have a little faith', it can go a long way.

Day 8

As I went to bed last night, words and sentences were still whirring round in my head, unable to wait until the morning to be written down. Ideas for today's blog and whether I will write a column contribution for 'Write Away', too much going on to go to sleep straight away. That's what happens after a Writer's Group meeting, I feel inspired and full of ideas, and the need to get everything down straight away, not always good when its already late and I have to get up early! The light was off and then on again so many times I lost count, in my rush to get all the ideas down before I could finally settle to sleep. Will I add my name to the list for Write Away? I don't know yet. At last night's meeting, I felt unsure, but thought it would be at least a good idea to find out more. It was certainly an interesting evening, and although I still feel the same, (unsure) I have already had a few ideas of topics to write about and would at least like to give it a go, before giving up on the idea when I haven't tried. I've had a strange headache for a little while, starting to wonder if its just from thinking too much! As I sit at my desk today, I'm thinking about all the things I want to start writing. There just isn't enough time in the day to do all that I want or need to do, work just seems to get in the way sometimes! So I have decided that as long as I get my work done, there's no harm in trying to get my own things done in between is there? After all, when you have the urge to write, you just have to follow it! (ooo,  I sound like a 'proper' writer today...)

Day 7

Had a good evening last night, as hoped, I managed to write a little of my latest story, but at least it was something! Hoping to carry on a bit today. The fact that I'm already thinking about it is a good sign. I'm still trying to get the balance right between work and creativity, not let the brain shut down completely on the creative side. I'm always attempting to keep my mind open to ideas, a few scribbles already this morning, so its working! Another blustery walk over to campus, the wind literally taking the breath and words out of mouth, but now wide awake and ready to get into my 'other' state of mind. Sometimes I think I'm a little hard on myself, trying to force something out that maybe isn't there, just for that day. I want to be able to write something (even if just a little) each day, but its not always that easy, even when I try and re-focus and empty my mind of the everyday niggles, for a short while. But then I suppose writing this blog every day is something, and I need to remember that.Watching the sun today reflects how I'm feeling, first its out and bright and then it disappears behind a cloud, a bit like my creativity!
I'm currently reading 'The Creative Writing Student's Handbook' and its already proving very useful. I'm relatively new to writing, stories particularly and I'm only trying short stories at the moment. I have yet to discover if I have a novel in me. Its been an interesting read so far, especially when I've read a chapter after I've scribbled more of my story, it makes me see all the things I'm doing wrong, or can change. I have an idea in my head and trying to get it all down, but have a tendency to overwrite, and looking over what I've done so far, there is already quite a bit that can be edited out, even before I've really started to get going. I know what I want to happen in some form, but not sure how long it will take me to get there, but then I suppose that's all part of the process and will be interesting to see if the finished product is the same as what I envisaged in my head at the start!

Day 6- start of week 2!

Monday comes around far too quickly and I'm back at work. No blogging or much writing ( a few scribbles only) over the weekend, too busy enjoying the time off! But it does mean that I feel a bit uninspired today, work and house issues taking over. Even the car journey (on my own today) didn't help, not sure I was awake enough! Its taken my lunch break to (literally) blow the cobwebs away, and after a blustery walk to wake me up, I felt ready to immerse myself into the world of writing. Funnily enough, even found inspiration for a poem from the worries that I had, really shows that ideas can come from the most unlikely sources!
I bought a selection of books, CD's and a DVD on Saturday, so lots of new material from which to grasp ideas. There's nothing quite like the feel and smell of a new book, I'm excited every time to open to the first page and begin reading. Who knows, maybe one day someone will feel like that about something I've written. Even with the take over of technology (kindles, e-books etc), people are still buying hard copies of  books from the high street and online, and I think that's a testament of how important they are to both readers and writers alike. I personally don't have any kind of iPad/ kindle/ tablet and it really doesn't bother me if people think I'm still stuck in the past, I will still pack one or two novels to take on holiday! Like I said, I believe you don't get the same feeling on a e-reader that you do with a 'real' book.
My mind feels awake now and going into overdrive with ideas and I'm already thinking about the writing I want to do when I get home, how I want my latest story to go, and I only hope that keeps me going through the rest of the afternoon at work, and lasts until I get home and can get to work and put some of the thought process onto paper...

The end of week 1!

So the end of my first week as a blogger! I started with a lot of thoughts that I wanted to share, so I've noticed that towards the end of the week, I haven't necessarily felt that I've got as much to say, but then again, each day is different and you never know what will come to you. I feel that I have let work take over the last couple of days and my creativity has been suppressed a little, but I just need to get the balance right. I saw a quote the other day and it is so true:

You are a writer already. Today. Now
So start writing the book, the novel, the blog, your life's work.
Today is a good time to start. Now is even better.

I will attempt to make this my mantra of sorts, to push me each day, even when I feel I have nothing to say. I need to keep taking a step back each time from the everyday, shut out work worries and re- focus my mind. The break for lunch today helped me to do just that and I found that ideas kept coming, lines for my story or ideas for poems, from all directions! Even the smallest thing, an idea, a few scribbles, I still consider a contribution to my writing as I never know where it may lead. Another useful quote I read this week kind of reflects this:

'There is no copyright on ideas'

I'm already finding this useful, sentences and ideas from books that I'm reading, I'm interested in what direction they take me (compared to where I found them).

So this week has been really positive and I feel that I have already made changes to my way of thinking. By using my blog as a way of putting my thoughts down, I've noticed things about myself and am trying to ensure that I change how I deal with things on a personal level, using my writing as a calming tool. If this is what deciding to write a blog can do, I don't know why I didn't do it earlier!

Day 4

No rambling thoughts today, the brain was obviously still asleep on the way to work and it was also my turn to drive. Not travelling alone certainly makes a difference to the thought process. Instead, I would like to share a poem that I feel reflects how I'm feeling, both in my work and my writing, so please enjoy!

Rambling

On the outside, looking in

Not really knowing where to begin

Quiet and thoughtful, don’t want to talk

Just open the door, leave and walk

Subdued and cold, do I belong?

Oh if everyday could be a song

No worries, unhappiness or tears

A place where you can face your fears

To write it all down, a way of showing

To understand, be all knowing

Where you can feel you have a place

To be yourself, show your face

The poem and story, my space to hide

To flow, to dance and slowly glide

Every moment a happy and bright day

Not having to think about what I say

Expressing thoughts, words on the page

Happy or sad, or in a rage

To be exactly who you want to be

Something real or make believe to see

A life you can just pretend

To choose how you want it to end.

Day 3

The dark mornings always make it much harder to get up for work. I still feel like its the middle of the night. Words are not flowing as early today, so my brain obviously took longer to wake up. I felt good yesterday as I started two poems, it always amazes me once the pen hits the paper, what comes out of it, sometimes you don't even realise what's floating around in your mind until you start to write, and the dragon is unleashed. Looking back over the last year, I know this is what's happened to me and I have my sister to thank for that. I found I wanted to write, but didn't know how and where to start. So taking heed from what she'd done, I started a course. It was a creative writing module, which I was able to do through work. Although it showed me that I wanted to write for myself and not be 'marked' academically for it ( I chose not to do any further modules), it did what I wanted and that is to get me writing. Since then I've done a fiction writing course online and joined a local writers group, which is one of the best decisions I have ever made, and I haven't looked back since! Every two weeks I get to be around like minded people, sharing and talking about our writing. Just recently I've found out that pieces I submitted for the next anthology have been chosen, so extremely excited to be 'published' for the first time!!
Spent the journey in this morning, as well as my lunch break just taking the time to notice things around me properly, listening to the words on the CD we were listening to. It's not that I didn't want to talk, but it felt good to just sit back and take it all in, letting ideas come alive in my mind. The notebook is rapidly filling up with ideas and quotes, need to start putting more into projects now!

Day 2 and still going!

I could feel the creativity and words flowing in my head even as I got up, raring to go and get writing. I'm excited if a little wary of my blog now that I've actually started it, but it's got to be a positive right, if I wake up and already want to be writing??
My notebook is quickly running out of spare pages as I continue to fill it out with all my scribbles, ideas and beginnings of stories and poems, whatever comes into my head really. I always have my notebook with me, whether at work, or out shopping, you never know when an idea will come and if not written down, will be lost. Unfortunately I seem to get quite a few ideas when I'm driving on my own, so have to keep reminding myself of what I'm thinking until I get the chance, stuck in traffic or at a red light, to quickly get it down! This morning a poem came into my mind whilst I was trying to dry my hair, so had to keep stopping for fear the lines would disappear! You can't control inspiration...
Already had some positive comments about my blog, which has boosted the confidence and spurred me to carry on with my ramblings. Anything that gets my brain and pencil working at the start of the day has to be a good thing.
I could feel the creativity ebbing away the closer I got to work as I knew reality would take over as soon as I opened the door to the office. I spend too much time worrying about doing things right, getting too involved in the work I'm given, going beyond what I should be doing. I need to learn to step back and believe that I have done my part of the process to the best I can, now its someone else's turn.
This realization helped me to calm down and now as I sit in my own little place on campus, I can feel the words and ideas creeping back and I'm excited to see what else inspires me today.

Day One!

I stared dumbly at my screen, wondering why I bothered to even get up for work, its not even as if I hated my job, but I was starting to wonder if I was in the right place for me, all the reasons for applying for the job in the first place now not holding the same appeal. After losing a job I hated with a passion, I got the kick I needed to really start thinking about what I actually wanted to do, I had bumbled along for far too long. I had been so happy getting the job at the university, I felt that I'd finally found the place I belonged. Two and a half years on, doubts were creeping in and I could feel my feet itching to move on, do something else. Was it too much to ask to be happy, just for once?
I had a nagging feeling that unless I changed the way I thought, that I would never be happy in whatever I was doing. I had to start having a meaning to my life.
I made my escape for lunch, the break I needed in order to clear my head, get away from my desk. I felt guilty about all the time I'd wasted that morning, no real work done, just lots of internet surfing, not great! As I sat in the Law building, watching the students moving between lectures, I felt myself relax, now was my time and I scribbled furiously, trying to get all my ideas down on paper. The would be writer inside of me finally getting the chance to escape, even if only for an hour, until I could get home and carry on, this is what I really wanted to do!
To be able to write like my favourite authors and poets, share my own words with the world. I just didn't know where to start. I felt most alive when I was involved in a story or poem, expressing what I was thinking or feeling. I started to feel excited as ideas formed in my head, I could start a blog! I'd read in magazines how other people had written blogs, you never know who will read, what could happen next. Maybe I will be the next undiscovered hit?!
As lunch drew to a close, I was beginning to realise that realistically I needed to be more mature, stop being negative all the time and make the most out of what I had. I am lucky to have a good job and I would be able to move on at some point, but only when the time was right, and not just because I was having a bad day. But there was nothing stopping me expanding on what I really loved either! I got caught up in a crowd of students as I was leaving and smiled to myself, realising that I was indeed in the right place, I just needed reminding now and again. I went back to work feeling a little lighter, knowing I had the evening to start putting my ideas into action, I couldn't wait!