October 2015- losing vision?

After all this time thinking I was doing okay, I've now come to realise what I'm doing wrong. First off I have yet to learn the real task of editing. I've been very much in the habit of finishing a piece and then thinking it finished, without really revisiting it. Although I've been lucky and had a few pieces 'published', I now understand why my pieces have yet to be picked when I enter competitions, the lack of editing and this is what makes me an amateur writer at this stage of my journey.

The month started much as the previous had ended, on a positive, but I feel sad to say that is now I am feeling as another month draws to a close. So lets at least start on the positives! I picked up my novel once again, but instead of worrying about where each paragraph will fit, I started focusing on just getting the words and thoughts out. When I began writing out my idea, unsure of whether it would be a novel (and although I'm calling it that, I'm still not sure), I was originally trying to work in chronological order of the story, But now I'm beginning to wonder if that's why I kept getting stuck.So now I'm attempting to write as it comes and just enjoy the task of writing and losing myself in the world I'm working to create. Each time I look at it, and those occasions have lessened as the month's gone on, I'm trying to find different angles, parts that I can expand on, teach the reader more about, so now involving more detailed research to ensure that everything is right. In a attempt to reconnect with my writing, I realise I now have to go back to the start, having lost my way a bit, and work out the basics: What is my story about and where is it going?? Only then I think will I feel the inspiration I felt at the beginning and find the belief in myself and what I'm trying to say. I certainly feel that I've lost my writing mojo at the moment. Its been coming very much in fits and starts, and along side some personal issues that I'm currently facing, I believe that's why I'm feeling so disheartened. But I do feel determined not to let it take over....

I've just finished re-reading 'How to be a Writer' by Stewart Ferris and its been an eye opener the second time round. I've taken in everything, and realised what I'm doing wrong and what I need to do better. I never thought it would be an easy journey, but I will do all I can to push myself to carry on. I looked more into my website idea, but turns out it isn't as simple as I thought (when is anything?!). It works to create your own page, much like this blog, but I'm looking for something different, maybe a Facebook page? I will continue to look for other ideas and do further research, so watch this space!

'There will be times on this journey, all you will see is darkness. But out there somewhere, daylight finds you if you keep believing'

'Dream it, Believe it, Achieve it'

October 13th marked a year since I started this blog, and despite not being in a great place at the moment, I am proud of how far I've come in that time and how much I've learnt along the way. I may not have finished my novel, but I've still written more than I ever would have thought, and still going! I would be no where as an aspiring writer without the support of family, friends and other writers, both as part of our group and online, I continue to be inspired by the advice and support. I'm still learning about what type of writer I am. I've not yet mastered the editing, but I will get there. I need take everything I'm learning on board and take pride in what I'm doing, I was writing a piece as I intended, without going back and thinking it finished, entering competitions with pieces I may have rushed, so I shouldn't be surprised that I'm not being shortlisted. I need to put the same emphasis on my column. By writing more in advance, I then give myself the opportunity to go back and review and make changes.

Most of this has come about by my disappointment in relation to an online competition. I had the deadline and although I had two ideas for submissions, I didn't finish either of them, in turn missing the deadline. I left the work too late and then struggled to find the extra push I needed to get them done. Does this mean I'm not a writer?? I really hope not. I spend all day whilst at work wishing I was at home and had the time to write, yet when I am and do, the motivation disappears and I end up frustrated and upset, feeling I can't do it anymore. There was a positive out of the whole experience in that I learned more about the editing process for myself and expanded on an idea that I'd had a while ago, which is still in progress.

I'm working on ways to bring myself out of the current slump.  Firstly, stop waiting for inspiration! I will never write if I just sit and wait for it to arrive, I have to find it. I've put some of my personal feelings and troubles into poems, as well as angles within a story, both as a way of getting things into words as a way of dealing with issues, but also just to keep writing, however small. I bought a variety of poetry books on a recent trip to Oxford (where else??!) in an attempt to read more as well as write more, gain more depth to my words. Poetry is where I started after all, and I feel I have let this slide and be forgotten. Other avenues have included trying the weekly #quckfic competition that Faber Academy run. It's 250 words using a prompt each time, and submitted the same day.. Although I didn't win, I had great fun trying, pleased with what I produced and the fact it just got me writing. Definitely going to keep trying each week, see what happens! As always, Writers group is a sea of inspiration each time I go, and even if I don't decide to read, I still come home feeling more upbeat then before I arrived. I've done some work on personalising my room/ writing space more, in the hope that it will also have a positive effect. I've used pictures, postcards and quotes to make the whole area more happy and inspiring. And I can already see how this is slowly working by the fact that it inspired a blog post all of its own. This is something that I'm keen to continue as when I feel that I have something extra to share. My next step is to purchase or create a storyboard of some description in order to start collating all photos, notes and ideas for my novel. My hope is that if I can visualise the story and how it progresses, it will then help me to pick up my pen and continue to write... And lastly I have finally started to use Pinterest in a more constructive way, much like an online storyboard, so will see how that helps too,

And so, I may have ended the month feeling downhearted, but I'm determined to at least try and overcome my doubts and find my mojo again, I'll keep you updated with how I get on!

'Create your own story'

A creative space?

I'm starting to realise that how I am as a person and the surroundings I create for myself could be the reason my writing is the way it is. I seem to somehow lack some personality and creative flow and I believe that it's down to my nature of everything having to be just so.

I feel the time may have come to some changes and free something, in the hope that it will have a positive effect on my writing as a result. Take my bedroom/writing space as a first example. The walls aren't bare by any means. I have photos and pictures up as any normal person would, but everything is just too neat. I feel the need to be surrounded by pictures, postcards, anything that can inspire me and not just contained to one small noticeboard (as is the current situation).

Taking note of a friend's living room, it was filled with books, pictures and quirky furniture. I absolutely loved it. Now I know we are not all the same, and in no way am I trying to recreate someone else's home (firstly their home is older and has more character features than my new build) but it did highlight what my own space is lacking. And so onto the task of personalising and creating a more inspiring space with what I have.I just hope the OCD doesn't take over and tidy it all away again!