And so another year is drawing to a close and I can’t quite believe
where the time has gone! It is always a
time for looking back, for reflecting. And I’ve certainly been doing a lot of
that, learning along the way.
In a complete turnaround from what I said last month, I realise that in
some ways I’ve been focusing on the wrong things. Okay, so work takes up most
of the hours in the week, that’s life. But it’s how I spend the rest of my time
that’s important- being the real me. I may never have the perfect job for me,
and let’s be honest, how many of us really do, unless you’re one of the lucky
ones. Most of us have to just fit in the dream around the reality. The more I
wind myself up about work, the less time I am thinking about the important
things. Focus on that and maybe the rest will follow. I just need to recharge
my energies into what is important to me. Work is important in its own way of
course, but it’s not everything. I have a good job in a good place, and for
that I will now try to be more grateful.
I attended a workshop run at the uni on how to be more confident and it
has certainly given me food for thought and tools I can use. I need to stop
trying to be someone that I’m not and just be me. I’m sure that given time, I
will be a lot happier.
It certainly seems that I’m an
all or nothing type of person, which is probably why I’m not good on the
nothing days. But I am learning that its alright to have those days and that
the next time I pick up my pencil, I will be able to pick up from where I left
off before. And its good (and okay) to have other interests and make life
balance. So not only am I learning more about myself, but also about my
writing, helping me to be better in both aspects. The time off at Christmas
highlights just that. It has been a mix of feeling guilty that I have that
extra time to be writing, but also the need to refresh ( and be ill, in my
case!) And actually, it has given my thoughts time to come together, ideas
forming when I least expect them to. Writing is still a job in some respect
(even if I don’t get paid for it) so in that sense, a break from the everyday
is needed here also.
But onto what I have been doing for the past few weeks! First off, I’ve
been trying not to think too much and just write. And it seems to be working
well. I tend to pick up from where I’ve left off the day or even week before,
and if not from that particular section, finding another or starting a new one
from one of my may scribbled thoughts. And it seems to be working well, as I
find the task of sitting down to write slightly easier and the words seem to
come in reasonable flurries. I’ve begun working on a more detailed timeline,
from the arrival of my character to the end of the book and it’s really helping
me to see where certain sections would fit as well as making me see if my plans
for both the story and characters are realistic. I’m really feeling my story
build as I carry on each day and enjoying feeling it come to life. I’m now only
beginning to see what my main sections are, and as I type up what I already
have, where these words would also fit. There will be some of course that don’t
make the cut, but for now, it’s just about getting it all down and then I can
start the mammoth task of sorting and editing it all. And despite some ups and
down, both in writing and my personal
life, I’m working to channel my emotions into my writing and my characters,
making a positive from a negative, which can never be a bad thing. And talking
of things, I made the most of a snow day (as I couldn’t go to work) and spent
the majority of it writing. Well typing really, but I have still so many
handwritten words to commit to type, that I felt it was an excellent use of the
unexpected time that I had. I hand write at all other times, so the typing has
somewhat fallen behind (still working from notebook 6, but scribbling in number
8, which is nearly full!) and it works for me as a way to keep all my words and
ideas in one place and see what things I’ve already done, as well as what I
like and don’t like, much like creating some kind of second draft, following
the handwritten first. It may sound like a slow and laborious way of doing
things, but it works for me.
I’m constantly inspired by the books that I read- the style, genre and
the similar settings and ideas to my own novel. But I don’t see it as copying,
just gleaning the thoughts and interweaving them into my story, to be told in
my own way. There will always be stories similar to the one that you are trying
to tell, but it’s how I will tell my story that is important. And I strongly
believe that everything I read is helping me to become a better writer and
motivate me to continue with my own story.
‘If you don’t have the time to read, you don’t have the time- or the
tools- to write. Simple as that.’ Stephen
King
So with that in mind, I need to stop looking back and think about moving
forwards. A new year is approaching, a clean slate. And that’s what I want to
keep doing, moving forwards. Both in my writing and in life in general. No
going backwards or harking back to the past, it won’t help. So, looking forward
to 2018, what do I hope? Well, to finally finish my first draft for one. I have
moved on so much this year, as I have since starting my novel, however many
years ago. And I will get there. Much like I said last year, it might take a little
longer than 12 months, but that’s okay. As long as I continue to write. For the
first time, I now feel that it is becoming whole and I can see everything much
better than I could, even just a few months ago. So maybe my goal is moving closer,
only time will tell. Here is to a much clearer 2018, all round!
‘Write. Writing is what makes a writer, nothing more and nothing less.’
‘Above all keep on writing and don’t give up.’
