With so many weekends away in the last month, it would
have been easy to become too distracted and leave the writing to one side. But
actually, I’ve found quite the opposite. It is the one thing getting me through
some days, particularly in the week as work is so quiet. And I couldn’t be more
grateful for such a constructive distraction. And I strongly believe that by
allowing myself to be creative and use my time better, rather than feeling
down, I am happier which I wouldn’t have believed of myself, especially at such
a funny time. I’m learning that by writing, it is better for my own well being
and staying positive. Like knowing how to come back from an off day, as despite
my new found positivity, I still have them, but not letting it drag on into the
next day, or the rest of the week. Knowing not to push myself when no good will
come out of it. Move on! I’m fed up of feeling guilty so I’m not doing it anymore
(or at least trying not to). I’m taking the time to note even the smallest
positive, by continuing with my happy jar and writing log. And to keep showing
up, whatever day I might be having. By doing things in my own way I will get
there, however long it takes. In the words of a fellow writer, every day I
write the book.
And I am, whilst finding my own way in the process.
I re-acquaint myself
with the comments from both friends and professionals regularly, in a bid to
spur me on. I have taken on board all the advice given to me by those who know
best, and I am more grateful than they will ever know for the support and help,
but I now need to take some responsibility and write in my own style. And if that means without a plan as such,
then so be it. I feel I am too far in now to try and see it all. I will
continue as a I am, letting the story come to me as I write and look at the
bigger picture when I feel I’ve reached an end point as such. Only as I order
all my jumbled ideas, will I be able to see what fits where and just how much I
already have. Then I can see the gaps and fill them in as needed, maybe even
come up with an outline of basics. There are still so many ideas to discover
and words to type. But practice has allowed me also to see how I would do things
differently next time, so I am still learning!
By looking back over what I’ve written the day before,
not only do I give myself a starting point for the day, I’m also reminding
myself that at least I am writing.
Sometimes I am pleased with the words and where they are taking me, and
sometimes not. As I keep saying, a little something is better than a whole lot
of nothing, and that mantra is certainly doing its job! In between the
scribbling, I’m also taking some time to type my scrawled words, and that in
itself is continuing to be both useful and imperative, in moving forward and ensuring
that everything is in one place. There is so much that I’ve forgotten about, and
ideas still to be explored. And funnily enough, the more I write or indeed
type, the clearer the overall is becoming, in some areas anyway!
But there have been other small positives too. I’ve
taken a bit of time out to read a writing book, making notes in my lunch breaks
rather than writing, and it gave me the time to take a step back and have some
valuable thinking time, see where am
going, as well as pointers to help me get there. Plus make me realise that I
missed my writing time! In the same vein, I have columns still to write as well
as a short story competition that I wouldn’t mind entering, and I really believe that
taking just a small break from the somewhat heavy stuff can be just what is
required, as long as I don’t forget to go back to it. Surely then being able to
see things with a fresh pair of eyes cannot be a bad thing?!
Seeing and noticing the little things. Something we don’t
often give ourselves the time to do. But everything around you can be used
somewhere if only we give ourselves the opportunity to look. It fits with my
style of writing whatever comes into my head, but also seeing where it could
possibly fit. Where as I said before that I find noise too distracting and felt
that I wrote better with silence, I’m now beginning to think differently. I’m
learning to write in a different way, using all the inspiration surrounding me,
particularly when thinking about other characters and building their stories.
And that goes for using music too, especially when I need something to help me
focus and keep me motivated, particularly when attempting to get going. In much
the same way that writing is helping with my well being, music is just as
important. And so I am finding my writing mojo again as it flickers in and out,
but just trying to hang onto it for as long as I can, at least until I get to
the end of this seemingly never ending first draft!
