Why? That’s the question I ask myself each month when I sit down to
write this blog. Why I feel the need to jot things down and share them with
anyone who wants read it. I still can’t really answer that question. I suppose
I just find it a place to see and think, to record my rambling thoughts,
documenting my journey. It’s important to me, if no one else, even if I
sometimes have to push myself to do it. And anyway, why does anyone blog for
that matter?
So to this month, and as my title suggests, it’s certainly been up and
down. As much as I keep telling myself that there’s always tomorrow, I can’t
help getting upset and frustrated when nothing comes or what does, I don’t
like. It’s so frustrating. I used to think it was worse if I was having a bad
day generally, that’s what makes it worse. A glorious day where I can take
advantage of the sunshine, work is good that day and yet the empty page stares
back at me. Is it better to force it and hate what you’ve done? I don’t know..
I can work well under pressure at work, why can’t I do the same be said for my
writing? Am I set to fail even before I’ve begun? I sincerely hope not. Work
has been very busy these last few weeks and I have missed some writing opportunities
because of this. But it’s what pays the bills and I have still been trying to
write just a few scribbles each day. The hardest part can be getting my head in
the zone, and this has been a struggle recently. I just hope that the time away
from doing something substantial isn’t a bad thing, and I can find that
motivation I so need once again, but time will tell.
And just the smallest thing can pick you up. Sunshine in a café and a
good chunk of new writing done, or an hour of typing. It makes me feel happier.
Like I said work is busy, which I’m not complaining about as I like it that
way, but headspace can sometimes be a little small or stretched. So its good to
defy that, even just a little and for the odd day. And actually, looking back
at my log I’ve done more than I thought. It’s so easy to forget. Lots of
scribbles have been recorded for my novel, a column idea noted down, as well s
some new story ideas that I can come back to when the time is right. And
research too, with notes made, mostly before bed, but when is a good time?? Over
3600 words have been typed, and whilst
that may not be as much as I have achieved in previous months, it has meant
that I’m now on the last (but one) notebook, and I’ve only just started the new
one, so getting there! Plus thinking time can be extremely valuable, even if it
doesn’t feel like it at the time. So all in all, not to be sniffed at. Deeds
not Words. Strong and inspiring words from inspiring women and for an important
cause. But it can be put into practice for whatever you believe or stand for.
Only you have the power to change what you want, by doing. And so that’s what I
will continue to do.
A thought occurred to me the other day, and I feel the need to share it.
I write, simply, about love. Finding love. I think it’s a theme running through
all my story ideas, when you get down to the bones. And yet I haven’t experienced it for myself, not really. And so
can you write with the depth that a story needs if you don’t know? Despite what
you may think, I believe that we all put a bit of ourselves into our words and
how can we not? Our hopes and dreams, how we would like our lives to be. That’s
what research is for isn’t it? We can’t possibly have experienced everything we
put to paper. Don’t we all hope that our dreams will come true one day? With that in mind, I will pick up my notebook
as and when I am able, and see what happens. I have new books that I’m reading,
and being set in Cornwall, can only help put me back to where I need to be, so
thank you Miranda Dickinson and Ali McNamara, for all the inspiration!
‘Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.’
George Bernard Shaw
'Inspiring me on....
