Not the start I wanted, especially
after such an amazing day at the weekend. First day of the month and very fed
up. Hate days like these where I feel I can’t do anything, let alone write. But
despite that, I did manage to complete the QuickFic for the day’s Lent
Challenge and a poem attempting to get out my frustrations. I did lose sight
for a bit, but thankfully didn’t last long and I could carry on the month in
the way that I felt happier.
And so to Writers Group meetings
for the month, and couldn’t have been more different from each other. At the
first, I read my CSMA story, after explaining that I had been shortlisted for
their competition. I got some really positive feedback and thoughts, so a
confidence boost when it was needed. Also asked to tell the group about our
experience at Discovery Day, which most seemed interested in. An evening of
lots of scribbles and ideas, including more on one of my other novel ideas
(Bookshop) and feel the idea is starting to form more in my head. And then to
the second meeting of the month. For the first time since I started going, I
didn’t really enjoy it and felt a little uncomfortable. It became, not about
writing so much, but the politics of the committee, so glad that I’m not on it!
Eventually we did hear some pieces and an idea came out of the meeting for all
members to write something from a title (much like our QuickFic) and we will
read out at the next meeting. But I hope that we don’t ever have another week
like that, it certainly put a dampener on everyone.
One of my main tasks this month,
as with starting it last month, has been my Lent Challenge. It has certainly
been interesting as well as helpful along the way for example; just writing the
first thing that comes into my head with no edits. Having now completed it and
gone back to read all forty pieces, some 250 words, some longer has made me see
the change in my writing and also my capability to write different styles.
It is a type of thinking that I
now need to adopt towards my novel as I’m currently spending too much time and
effort putting pressure on myself to get it exactly right, but I just need to
write at the moment at get the first draft done! Having spent some time looking
back over everything that I’d already written, making notes and edits as I have
gone along, I now feel in a better place in which to get that draft done. But
it has not been without a lot of questioning on my part- is there a right way
of doing things and have I done things wrong with how I’ve gone about my novel
so far? Having talked to other authors, I doubted myself. Having started well,
but with no real planning, it meant I hit a very large wall and I got over that
by going back and editing, looking at where I wanted my story to go. So
although it may not have been what others would do, it worked for me this time,
but I’ve also learnt what to do for the next one! Now I just need to see where
my fingers take me and the words that come out onto the page. It doesn’t have
to be perfect, the concept I think that has bothered me, just written and the
tidying up can come later. Given the feedback from the agent at Discovery Day,
I believe I have unwittingly been putting far too much pressure on myself, but
all it has done is marred my inspiration. So although I want to leave in the
back of my mind for motivation, it will not take over. The idea and vision is
still there, so now I just need to find the words. So I have now continued from
the re-written first page (shown to the agent) and will finish this
first draft with no more editing, but alongside some better planning and
plotting, I’m looking forward to getting stuck in!
Am I chasing an unreachable dream
by wanting to write? I still don’t know, and I won’t unless I try. But that
doesn’t stop me forever doubting myself. When I’m working, I want to write, and
when I have that available time to do it, I’m often distracted or struggle to
focus which leads to further doubt. It’s a vicious circle that I’m currently
stuck in. But whilst I continue to try and attain my dream, I feel that I am
becoming who I’m meant to be, so I must be doing something right? I’m standing up for what I believe in,
sharing my journey with others and learning from them too, It’s a place I feel
I belong, the world of writing, so will try and stay here for as long as I can.
Although I beat myself up regularly for the procrastination of social media and
the fact that the day job gets in the way, I’m learning all the time, and often
find inspiration and motivation from tweets or Facebook posts, so it can help
sometimes! I just need to learn to get the balance right.
So there have been a few new
things this month. The first was a visit to Scribal Gathering. This is a local
event for live music and poetry. I will definitely be going again, it was a
really good evening and even got a few scribbles out of it. Also attended two
author events, giving insight into their journey from pen to publication and
both were very inspiring. My goal is to try and get to many more of these kind
of events, to try and be around the right people an environment to build on my
own creativity. Following from last month’s Discovery Day, I’m constantly
learning from those around me, whether that be online or physically. But it’s
not just other writers that I feel inspired by. I feel so lucky to have my good
friends and family beside me, and feel so grateful for all their love and
support. I wouldn’t be pursuing my dream if it wasn’t for them, so thank you!
In terms of the competitions that
I entered, I found out that I didn’t get shortlisted for any of them. But that
has not put me off, I will keep writing and entering, finding my voice. That’s what
I’m learning, not to give up. If I do, what am I doing it all for? Besides you
have to be in it to win it, so the same goes for the larger writing projects.
One day….. On a similar note, I have also applied for #TheScheme16- this is an opportunity
provided by Penguin for an internship. Although it is only for a year, if I’m
successful, this may be the opening that I need to find myself within the industry
itself, learning and being challenged. I have a little wait to hear about my
application, but as with all the other publishing roles that I continue to
apply for, I will keep trying, my time will come!
And so, I may have had a wobble at
the start of the month, but feel I’m now back on track and on my way, with at
least some idea of where I’m going! Looking forward to what the future will
bring, in whatever shape it may take, just as long as I’m writing!
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