‘The hard part about writing a novel is finishing it’ Hemingway
So true! When I look back on my many notebooks from the last 4 years ,
at least that’s how long I think it’s been, and my scribbled thoughts, the way
ahead is murky and confusing. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just done. Keep
creating, keep learning, keep gaining confidence. Don’t sabotage the creativity.
Thank you Helen Redfern (@bookishbaker). Fighting through the writing lulls,
sometimes winning, sometimes losing, but still keep fighting anyway. When
having a bad day, its too easy to focus on the negatives and question of you’re
doing the right thing, if you’re good enough.
Its all too easy to keep forgetting all the good stuff that’s gone
before. I have to keep reminding myself of that. And also of the importance of
having the time and space to see and think, to work things out in my somewhat fuddled
head.
I’ve been feeling disillusioned with it all… with work and writing. I’ve
barely done anything on my novel recently, is that it, gone and to never be
finished? That’s certainly how it feels
and I don’t know how to get myself out of these place. Work is the same, is it
time for a change, a re-energisation? I’m stuck in a vicious circle and fed up
of feeling like this. I think too much, I know I need to stop procrastinating,
or I will never get myself out of this black hole I’ve put myself in. I have a plan of sorts to help me, but I now
need to pull myself up and start attempting to put it into action. I need to
find and chase my dreams, no-one else can do it for me. In terms of work, of
course I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given, but I need to find
what is right for me, what will make me happier in the long run, and then maybe
the feeling will reach other areas of my life, and I’ll find the motivation and
belief in myself that I need, instead of the feeling of being underwhelmed that
currently plagues me. I just need the right frame of mind.
‘Just keep swimming….’
A turn of thoughts…. as I’m not writing, but not beating myself up over
it, or at least trying not to. I will finish my novel, I have t keep believing
that, but I know I will just mess it up if I force things. And so I made the
decision to take a short break and undertaking some reading for a literary
prize, which the university are working with. It’s a learning curve in my
reading repertoire, and also in types of writing. And maybe this is what I need
right now. And that it’s okay, because I will write again.
Have belief in your right to be a writer and be read, that is paramount.
And then it happens, when you’re not expecting it. A new idea comes and
with it, inspiration. This is followed by notes and research, forming
something. It’s the first time in a while when I have felt excited about
writing, and that includes the short story that I finished and submitted for
the Writers and Artists Yearbook competition. I know now that I shouldn’t have
probably even sent it, seemed little point when I don’t have the faith in what
I’m putting to paper. But it was still good to give myself the job of writing
something and finishing it, as well the process of just writing what came to
me, once my notes had run out, something I could do with doing more often,
instead of thinking too much. But I’ve learnt too that I have to both believe in
what I’m writing as well as myself as a writer, or there is little point, the
reader will see through the words straight away. In terms of the new story idea, I will keep open minded, but need to be careful that it doesn't make me lose sight of my novel. It may just be the blessing in disguise that I need to get back into writing properly again.
Three years ago today I was lucky enough to attend ‘Discovery Day’ at Foyle’s
in London. It was an amazing day, lots to take in and learn, as well as making
the most of a day in town, absorbing sights and culture. But one of the biggest
things was the opportunity to pitch my novel to an agent. And its just got me
thinking and inspired to get writing, to finally get my novel finished and submitted.
Like I said, its been a while since I felt like this, a small spark of
something, which is much needed and I intend to hold onto it. It’s also made me
realise just how long and how much I have invested in this story, too much to
give up now, however hard the task may feel. I just need that different mind-set…
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