Wednesday 27 March 2019

March 2019- No more excuses


Reading, crafting, walking, singing. These are all the things that I’ve been doing instead of writing. Are they worthwhile or just another way of avoiding the issue? I would argue that they are important, to me. To my wellbeing and state of mind overall. I just need to include writing in that mix too, and learn to use my time to fit in all that I want to do, and not feel guilty.

Towards the start of the month and probably up until at least halfway through, I could count on one hand the number of occasions that I’d written anything. So why am I even documenting this? Because its all a part of the process. Okay so I may not have done what I thought I would have done by now, but the important thing is that I will. I haven’t given up. I still have a story to tell. I just need to get it completely clear in my head what that is, and I know I may have got a little lost along the way, but I’m determined to get there. Has the break done me any good? I suppose only time will tell. Currently the fear is resurfacing at what to do next, where I even begin. Small steps. I know one thing at least, from the books that I’ve been reading for this literary prize long list, that I know I still want to write my story. And I’m much more critical as reader, because I write. Its not about being better, I’m not that conceited, but more about writing the book I want to read, and having the belief in myself to do that. So you could say that I was still inspired, just in a different, unexpected way.

And so, once all the books had been read and reviews submitted, I could no longer use them as an excuse. For the first time in weeks, I picked up my pencil and opened my notebook for my novel. Beginning by writing up some notes I’d previously made on my phone, but it got me back into thinking about my story and building on those scribbled ideas. It was a nice feeling. And as the month draws to a close, that has continued, both from research notes and sections inspired by a variety of things, something in front of me, or an overheard sentence. It just feels good to finally be working on it again. I’m still not 100% sure where I’m going and I have the task of getting down to the nitty gritty, but it’s a start, a small step in the right direction at least. And I’m not putting the inevitable off either, but asking for help in order to get me to where I need to be, from those that have already been there. And this has been invaluable, a book recommendation and a few pointers might not seem like a lot, but for me, they will be the difference in getting this book written, and I’m finally excited to get things sorted. And from this, I know, moving forwards, not what to do with all the other ideas I have, just waiting in the wings. I’m not ready to give up yet.

It’s a mind-set. I’m the same at work. I get stuck, fed up and then negative, unmotivated and distracted. Then I achieve nothing. I need to work on, and am beginning to, shifting my mind-set, starting the day in a better way, in a more positive frame in order to assess where I am and what I need to do, or be doing. Breaking down the goals to more manageable steps that then feel more achievable. I need to do the same in my writing. Instead of looking at it as a big mess that I can’t wade through, break it down into smaller chunks, thinking about it all first, getting down the bare bones without even looking at the larger document. Only then will I be able to look at it again and see where it fits. And I’m trying to do this now, getting into a writers mind-set. I’ve been scribbling other ideas down, and whilst they may  not come to anything, or even be my writing style, there is sometimes a need to just get the words out, whatever they may be. Even if you never look at what you’ve written again, its all part of the process, of ordering the mind. And with these scribbles, another column done and work on-going  with my novel, the last two weeks have turned out much better than I had expected. I’m looking forward to seeing what comes next.

So, no more excuses….

‘Your words have worth and your ideas matter. Be kind to yourself and believe in the stories you’re telling’ Miranda Dickinson




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