And I’m not giving up, despite my last woeful post. I’m
just trying to gain some perspective. Taking time out to refocus on the task ahead of me and how best to tackle it. And to help me do that, I’ve been
reading some writing books and other novels to gain insight and spark that love
for my story again. There was a need for a different type of motivation to help
me get to where I need to be and overcome my fear. I can’t and I won’t give up,
I’ve worked too long on this and invested so much and the the most important point
of all, I still want to tell this story. And so the last few weeks I’ve given
myself the time to think and really see my story, making notes of how I
will outline, all without looking at the large saved document that is my WIP,
which is just too confusing too look at, the pressure too much. Once I have a
completely clear idea in my head and noted down, only then will I look back at
my first draft and begin to see what fits and where and what still needs to be
done. So I’m taking a small step back until it all becomes clearer to me, it is
the only way I can then be able to move forwards again.
I received two writing books for Christmas from my ever
thoughtful and understanding sister, she knows me so well, and they are much
needed right now as I pick up from where I left off before the festive break
and attempt to start the new year as I mean to go on, in a better place. As I
read either, fiction or indeed non-fiction, I’m thinking and seeing how I need
my writing and story to go, slowly moving forwards and feeling much better
about things. Notes and scribbled thoughts as I go, all helping me along the
way. To some, it might seem a convoluted
route to the end, but I really feel that it’s lifting me out of the hole that I
put myself in, so that can only be a good thing as far as I’m concerned, and we
all have our own funny little ways of dealing with situations. I’ve done things
all the wrong way round with this novel, but I’ve learnt my lesson, albeit the
hard way, but I know now what to do for the next time. And I have so many other
ideas just waiting to be explored, that I’m planning on there being a next
time, but I have to finish this one first. I’ve looked back on my year and what
I’ve achieved and I can’t complain, even if I feel like I’m repeating myself a little,
so my main goal for 2018 was to finish my first draft, and I may not have
achieved that just yet, but it was a big ask. But I am closer, I know and feel
that. I’ve come a long way in some respects, but there is still a way to go and
I’m determined to get there.
As I submitted my final column of 2018 (actually being
published on 1 Jan 2019, ironically!) I did wonder if the time had come to
finish contributing, wondering if I had any more to say after 4 years and
around 40 submissions. But then I thought about it more. It is a way of me having an opinion, of others
reading what I have to say. And although it’s unpaid, all writers have to start
somewhere. So with that in mind, I’ve decided to try and list 12 different
ideas that I could write about and submit as and when it is relevant. Not only
would that take the pressure off a little (with only two regular contributors,
I submit nearly every month) but I’m hoping it will highlight, mainly to
myself, that I do still have something to say. I’m also planning a story story
for a competition that closes in February, which not only is a way of exploring
other ideas, but I hope will be a way of helping me to bring back my love of
writing. Plus this blog too, a good way of ordering my jumbled thoughts and
worries. So with all that in mind, I’m making a promise to myself as I plan to start the new year with fresh eyes
and being able to see a way forward with my writing.
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