The first day in a while that I found the time and space to write and I
was scared. It was exactly as I’d hoped it wouldn’t be, a struggle. Trying to
carry on from where I left off, and sitting in the sunshine , all good apart
from except the inability to put anything apart from a few sentences to paper.
Have I left it too long? Will my story come back to me? I really hope so. And
despite writing more than I expected that day, that feeling that it’s rubbish
doesn’t leave, making it all feel like a waste of time. I’m sure its not and I
will feel differently when I’m in a better frame of mind and re-read it. The
frustrations of writing! I wonder if they ever leave you, probably not. I know
what I need to be working on but I’ve been struggling a bit to write, my head
is too jumbled and full, and I’m hoping that a holiday will give e the chance I
need to revitalise both my writing and refocus at work, but we shall see. ( As
I write this, I’m a few days late and already back from hols, but will save an
update until the end of August…)
Although it feels like I’ve been writing this story for a long time, it’s
only now that I’m starting to feel it all weaving together and be the story
that I want to tell. Okay, so it’s changed a lot since I began those few years
ago, but its only now that’s it’s starting to make sense, to fit, and I’m excited
to bring it all together. I can’t pinpoint when it shifted as such, but maybe
the ever so slightly small step back recently was a good thing. We shall see!
Looking back on my log, its comforting to see that, as always, I’ve
actually achieved more than I think, and it does make the darker days a little
easier to bear, as long as I keep reminding myself of the fact. And actually I’ve
managed to scribble quite a reasonable amount, building my characters stories
and learning more about them as I put pen to paper. And I’ve managed some
typing too, so each time things are moving forwards. Thinking time counts too,
the chance to really immerse yourself in your characters, setting and the
stories that surround them. I don’t know what the holiday will bring, maybe the
odd scribble. But I’m not expecting much, I’m going on holiday at the end of
the day. But it will be an opportunity to relax and think, read and then see
what happens.
And there have been other bits of writing done too. Scribbles for other
story ideas. My mind becomes a jumble of ideas, inspired by the people around
me as I try to write. It’s certainly interesting when these ideas and thoughts
pop up just from people you look at or something you hear. And who knows where
those thoughts will take me, I look forward to finding out at some point! And
columns still need to be written, so other ideas need to be explored, and
submitted. That’s the thing. I may get annoyed and frustrated when my work in
progress isn’t going the way I want it to or at all in some cases. But all
writing is good and useful, whatever it may be.
‘Writing is about claiming ownership of yourself in order to become the
person you know you can be...A novel is making your mark on the world’
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