October 2017- Writing for Wellbeing

With so many weekends away in the last month, it would have been easy to become too distracted and leave the writing to one side. But actually, I’ve found quite the opposite. It is the one thing getting me through some days, particularly in the week as work is so quiet. And I couldn’t be more grateful for such a constructive distraction. And I strongly believe that by allowing myself to be creative and use my time better, rather than feeling down, I am happier which I wouldn’t have believed of myself, especially at such a funny time. I’m learning that by writing, it is better for my own well being and staying positive. Like knowing how to come back from an off day, as despite my new found positivity, I still have them, but not letting it drag on into the next day, or the rest of the week. Knowing not to push myself when no good will come out of it. Move on! I’m fed up of feeling guilty so I’m not doing it anymore (or at least trying not to). I’m taking the time to note even the smallest positive, by continuing with my happy jar and writing log. And to keep showing up, whatever day I might be having. By doing things in my own way I will get there, however long it takes. In the words of a fellow writer, every day I write the book.

And I am, whilst finding my own way in the process. I re-acquaint myself with the comments from both friends and professionals regularly, in a bid to spur me on. I have taken on board all the advice given to me by those who know best, and I am more grateful than they will ever know for the support and help, but I now need to take some responsibility and write in my own style. And if that means without a plan as such, then so be it. I feel I am too far in now to try and see it all. I will continue as a I am, letting the story come to me as I write and look at the bigger picture when I feel I’ve reached an end point as such. Only as I order all my jumbled ideas, will I be able to see what fits where and just how much I already have. Then I can see the gaps and fill them in as needed, maybe even come up with an outline of basics. There are still so many ideas to discover and words to type. But practice has allowed me also to see how I would do things differently next time, so I am still learning!

By looking back over what I’ve written the day before, not only do I give myself a starting point for the day, I’m also reminding myself  that at least I am writing. Sometimes I am pleased with the words and where they are taking me, and sometimes not. As I keep saying, a little something is better than a whole lot of nothing, and that mantra is certainly doing its job! In between the scribbling, I’m also taking some time to type my scrawled words, and that in itself is continuing to be both useful and imperative, in moving forward and ensuring that everything is in one place. There is so much that I’ve forgotten about, and ideas still to be explored. And funnily enough, the more I write or indeed type, the clearer the overall is becoming, in some areas anyway!

But there have been other small positives too. I’ve taken a bit of time out to read a writing book, making notes in my lunch breaks rather than writing, and it gave me the time to take a step back and have some valuable thinking time, see where  am going, as well as pointers to help me get there. Plus make me realise that I missed my writing time! In the same vein, I have columns still to write as well as a short story competition that I wouldn’t mind entering, and I really believe that taking just a small break from the somewhat heavy stuff can be just what is required, as long as I don’t forget to go back to it. Surely then being able to see things with a fresh pair of eyes cannot be a bad thing?!

Seeing and noticing the little things. Something we don’t often give ourselves the time to do. But everything around you can be used somewhere if only we give ourselves the opportunity to look. It fits with my style of writing whatever comes into my head, but also seeing where it could possibly fit. Where as I said before that I find noise too distracting and felt that I wrote better with silence, I’m now beginning to think differently. I’m learning to write in a different way, using all the inspiration surrounding me, particularly when thinking about other characters and building their stories. And that goes for using music too, especially when I need something to help me focus and keep me motivated, particularly when attempting to get going. In much the same way that writing is helping with my well being, music is just as important. And so I am finding my writing mojo again as it flickers in and out, but just trying to hang onto it for as long as I can, at least until I get to the end of this seemingly never ending first draft!

September 2017- Keeping the faith

‘Be our strength in hours of weakness, in our wanderings be our guide; through endeavour, failure, danger, Father be thou at our side’

A bit heavy for some, but the words just spoke to me as I sang them during a Sunday service. I need to have more faith in my faith, in myself and it will help me through. For some this will be achieved in another way, but whatever your preference, the simple message is the same, keep the faith.  And that’s not to say that it doesn’t test me, but I’ve hung onto the hope and it seems to be working. For example, by learning to write off a bad day and start again tomorrow. I can’t force myself all the time, however hard I try. And I know and have found that the best words come when I take some of that pressure off, when I’m not overthinking. Feeling you have to rather than you want to will result in crap, or worse, nothing. And so you end up feeling like somewhat of a ‘useless article.’ When I have the time to work on things, a quieter weekend for a change and then achieve nothing (in the writing sense). So what kind of writer does that make me?? A failed one or one just having a bit of struggle with it all? I think it just makes me normal. And maybe I needed that low moment and a few tears to get it out of my system, for now at least. And so things have looked up since then. Now I sit down with no preconceived ideas each time therefore not setting myself up to fail in the first place. Then I am grateful for anything that comes, however small.

As a member of our congregation struggles to fight her cancer, we are all left praying for her and her family, her two young children. And whilst we are all sad, she is also an inspiration. She still has life left in her, despite everything. So through my tears, I’ve learnt from her. I need to be kinder to myself. Life really is too short to worry myself over little things, that it is important to make the most of your days, to chase and follow your dreams. And I feel grateful, for all that I do have, and the ability to follow my dreams, however long it takes. Its about being honest with myself and dealing with whatever life throws at you in the best way that you can. Thank you Sarah.

This blog in itself is a great achievement. Each month I sit down to write my rambling thoughts from a few typed notes on my phone and am always surprised by the end product. It is great to see just how many people read my words each time, although I’m not sure why sometimes. I suppose it’s the fact that despite not getting any comments, I feel that I’m hopefully speaking to others like me and certainly can’t sniff at nearly 100 views in just one day of publishing (July). I wrote over 1300 words in just over an hour. That’s proof that I can write, and well, when I have the motivation and the right prompts! Letting my mind run as I do when I write up my blog, using only simple notes, it’s an idea I need to put in place for my novel.

And there have been other positives too. I have a whole wealth of books on writing, and although I’ve read some of them, it’s easy to forget everything you’ve learnt when you’ve finished reading the whole book. But now, its knowing where I can dip in for a chapter, a paragraph on something, lets say like plot and structure (I know, still harping on about it!), and then pick up from where I’ve left off with that little push of motivation.  And that goes for various blogs, columns, articles that I find online or in a magazine. Just reading someone else’s words speaking to you, can give that much needed confidence boost (thanks Psychologies!). And finally the support from friends, both online and physically is very much appreciated, coming at just the right time, and is so important. Writing as we all know can become quite a solitary task and the support is certainly invaluable to keep you going, especially when things don’t seem so great.

And the actual writing? Well, I’ve tried to make the most of what nice weather we have had (not as much as we would have liked) to sit outside and write. I’ve certainly found there to be less distractions, especially as campus has been quiet. It is obviously what I need to concentrate, so I don’t think I’d make a café writer! I’m inspired by the outside world too, in a way that I can’t seem to get when sitting indoors. But as term starts again and the seasons drawn in, I will have to think of other ideas, places to go. Maybe typing straight onto a PC rather than my notebook scribbles? Or sitting in the car. I just want to find a way that works best for me. Talking of typing, I’ve have spent some time typing up some of my scribbles- 5 out of 7 notebooks now recorded. And I have to say it was another boost to the confidence. Looking at the forgotten gems and ideas, that my writing is actually okay, and I feel good about it. I’m seeing the typing as almost the second draft, adding in notes and lines or words as I go along, making my handwritten scribbles like the first draft. It’s working, in my own way and its at least a chance to take a small step back and familiarise myself with the story I’m trying to tell and just how far I’ve come. And something else I’ve learnt, albeit the hard way, is not to measure my performance each day, not in the way you think at least. If I compare each day by the amount I’ve written, it’s not always reflective of the achievement. As well as words on a page, thinking time is just as valuable. I have flurries until the words seemingly run dry for that section, at least just for a short while. But I’m getting into the habit of attempting to follow my random thoughts and am continually surprised where my pencil can take me. If one thread dries up, working on something else until I’m ready to come back to where I left off. And so far, it seems to be working, and I am feeling a lot more positive this month.  That goes for my newspaper column too. I was beginning to think about giving it up, that it was becoming a chore rather than something I enjoyed writing, but have since had a build-up of new ideas, so maybe I’ll carry on for a few months more. Funny how things work out…

#Don’tGiveUp

August 2017- Post-Holiday Blues

And so I’m back and yes, as the subject suggests, very much feeling the post-holiday blues. The weeks leading up to going away were seemingly going well, or so I thought. And they were. I was getting words on the page and feeling pleased that my ideas seemed to be taking shape as I wrote larger chunks of the novel, quite often carrying on from where I’d left off the day before, building each time I opened my notebook and picked up my pencil. But yet the nagging thoughts just won’t leave. The more that I scribble, the ideas come. But am I trying to over complicate my novel by trying to have too many threads and ideas? Whilst seemingly all good thoughts, will they all work together? I suppose I won’t really know until I look into each one in more detail. More and more I’m trying, and not always succeeding  to take a small step back to attempt to see what it is I’m doing.

The holiday in some way allowed me to do that. Did I achieve all that I wanted? I don’t know, but I had a good time all the same! There were lots of visits made to new places and it was just what was needed, to be surrounded by the inspiration that I craved. It also opened my eyes a little. One such visit was made to Mousehole as well as Penzance, which were to be the original locations in which my novel was to be set. Since then, my ideas have changed slightly, using a variety of places to inspire my fictional location, and whilst I loved all the visits that we made, I’m glad now to have made that decision and not waited until now to really get a feel for the place.  And there was further inspiration to be discovered waiting in St Ives, Porthcurno, Falmouth and Helford so I was spoilt for choice. It was a lovely feeling to see the real places, like my words coming to life. But on the downside, I didn’t write as much as I thought I would, or hoped as I was too busy being on holiday. I suppose that’s inevitable, unless you make a specific research trip. But I have all my photos and memories, so in theory, lots to keep me inspired.

But that’s sadly where I’m now struggling. I’ve been back a couple of weeks and been trying to get my mojo back now that I’m back to the reality of life. I remembered how much I achieved last year after we got back and was hoping for the same again. There have been moments where I’m starting to see now where the story is taking better shape now that the focus seems to be in the right place. But I still need to have a basic outline written down, not only so I can see where I’m going, but also giving me direction as to what I should or could be working on each day. Shutting my eyes and letting it all become clear in front of me, where things fit and what still needs to be done. My danger is thinking too hard. And that’s when it all becomes mixed up and I overthink everything. I need to take the pressure off. And that’s where I seem to still be going wrong. I’m still beating myself up, practically every day if I don’t think I’ve done enough in the time that I have available to me. A fantastic holiday and then on the first day back to reality, I’m not sure where all the inspiration has gone. A wasted evening when I could have been writing and for the most part, achieved nothing. I’m on the verge of tears and yet I still can’t seem to motivate myself to let the words come. Am I just expecting too much? We all have bad days right? But I just feel recently that this is happening too much, that I’m letting myself get distracted too easily. And there my problem lies.  Looking back on that night, I did actually achieve something, and although I may not have thought it much at the time, it was better than nothing. But I’m feeling very frustrated by the ups and downs of writing and the feeling stuck.  I had hoped, like I’ve said, that the holiday would bring on a flurry of writing as it did before. And whilst there has been some, which I shouldn’t turn my nose up at, there is not as much as I would like. I struggle with finding a routine that works for me, and when I do have the time, using that whole session in which to write and not get distracted. My head is just too muddled. So I really need to start taking some of my own advice.

I’ve been continuing, in fits and starts, to free write on my novel and that has been a positive in that I continue to discover my story as I just let the words flow. But it also throws up questions along the way that I don’t yet have the answers to. Would most of these be answered if I had completed some kind of plan? More than likely, or at least some of them. And I keep saying it. Its something that I both want and need to do before I lose myself completely. And yet I still struggle to even begin, to try and break down in my mind in order to translate it onto paper. Should it be that hard?? Probably not, but why can’t I just see it clearly? As much as I don’t want to stop writing, given that the free writing works during my lunch breaks, and can be done wherever, I need to stop and take a proper step back, look at what I’ve done so far and see what I can do with it. Maybe then, I will be able to see even clearer just what story I am trying to tell.  No more excuses, I need to set aside a specific time in which to sit down and really get my teeth into it and only then will I feel better.

I realise that I have done a lot of ranting and moaning, considering the wonderful and inspirational holiday that I was lucky enough to go on. But given time ( things never come when you want them too, when you are waiting), I will get my mojo back and the mist will hopefully clear. And there are other things that I’ve learnt too. A writer must always be an avid reader and I certainly adhere to this. I’ve been reading different styles of books recently and found that I have been both inspired as well as critical, which in turn has helped me to discover myself more as a writer as well as slowly finding my own voice. And I’m hoping to find a soundtrack to my writing too, music that will also help to inspire. It’s a work in progress.

And so I end with some hope. There is still work to be done, as always, but I know I can do it, if I just give myself a little more credit. Yes, the first draft still needs to be finished, but I’m the one setting the deadlines at this stage, so they are not unmovable. I need to be more realistic about what I can achieve, but also stick to my routine. It’s all there, if only I take the opportunities that are offered to me. So what if the first draft has taken a few years to write, isn’t that normal for a first time novelist and better that I put out there the best that I can, right? I’m the only one who can tell my story.

July 2017- Keep Showing Up….

And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing! It is a simple but extremely effective piece of advice, and one that I’m certainly living by, so thank you to Rowan Coleman! I am constantly being inspired and motivated by other writers, and I need to have that same belief in myself that I find in them. So here goes…. I AM a Writer, right now, thank you! (thanks Miranda Dickinson, yet again!!)

‘Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer.’ Alan W Watts

And so I am, writing that is. Okay, so there are days when I’ve been writing blindly with no real sense of direction, but a little something is surely better than a whole lot of nothing? I just need to keep trying to remember that. I have the desire to write, but no real plan, and perhaps that’s where I am lacking a little. That I need to have a some kind of plan, or an idea each time I sit down to write, maybe a note as I finish the previous paragraph as to my thoughts for the next part. At least it would help me to focus. A bit late to the party I know, but if I’ve learnt nothing else, its that you have to do these things at your own speed and realisation. So that’s what I’ve been doing quite a bit of this month, and the notebook (number 6!) is quickly filling up as I build on the part of the story that I decide to work on each day. That may be the same for a couple of days, slowing bringing things to life. Or it may be a  new idea that I feel the need to scribble and work on. Whatever, the main positive is that there are words on the page, or pages! And its been working well, as I sit down and quickly scan over where I’ve stop the previous day or session , and then begin to throw myself into what happens next. It’s been a while since I’ve worked like that, but it feels good. Like I’m slightly less disjointed, as I write and new ideas and thoughts come in as I work on a particular section.

But there is still very much a need to have some kind of outline, however rough so that I can see where I’m going. I spent a long time writing large chunks of what I now know is really the back story for my main character. But I don’t feel that the time was wasted. Along with the character outlines that I’ve been working on more recently, they have helped me to understand my characters fully, and see where the heart of my novel really is, and to begin the work on focusing on that instead. I’m learning things the hard way, but I am happy to be constantly learning, I just want to get it right and I know it is making me into a better writer too. I have all the ideas, I just need to continue putting them into practice and not let the fear that I can’t do it hold me back. And so that means going back to my synopsis yet again. The last re-write was too long and detailed and I felt I was getting a little lost, focusing on the wrong things. So I will be looking at again, through fresh eyes, and trying to make it the best I can, to give me the bare bones that I so desperately need to help me. Again, constantly learning.

‘Be brave and finish your story’ Miranda Dickinson

Like I said before, I feel I owe so much to the writers that I have had the great pleasure of getting to know. Just by one small sentence, they help me enormously.  Being brave is what writing is all about. Having that confidence in what you want to write and then sharing it with others, and the motivation to keep showing up each time, even if you don’t know how things will go. You need to overcome the fear in each moment and be the best version of yourself. ‘Life is a series of random events, some you win and some you lose’ And that’s okay, just so long as you don’t let the losses define how you move forward.  I’ve been working on typing up some of my scribbles alongside adding more to my notebook, and I’ve realised just how much my thought process is constantly changing. There are parts that I’ve written that I now don’t like and others that I do, that I’ve forgotten about. But for now, I just need to get it ALL down. The editing will come later. But how do you stop the new ideas filtering in and letting them change the course of the story that I’m trying to tell?  I still don’t know the answer to this, but once I have a better outline for my novel, maybe I will be able to filter these things better, see how they don’t fit with my current plan. My honest opinion is that even the best laid plans have chinks in them and I would love to hear from an author that hasn’t amended their novel in some way as they’ve gone along, that the end product differs from the initial idea, even in a small way. And that can only mean a better story right?

‘But when you re-read your writing, and even though it’s not perfect, it’s your own story and that’s kind of amazing’

And so as the month ends, I have lots to be positive about. I’ve written more that I’d expected, it makes sense and there is plenty more where that came from.  I’m proving to myself that I have it in me to make the best use of my time and just want can be achieved in that time, however small. I feel like I’m getting into the swing of things again, after a period of wandering a little aimlessly. I just started a new job at work, and I am certain that it is helping me with my writing. I feel happier and am a lot more focused in that respect, which seems to be rubbing off elsewhere, so long may it continue! There is a lot that I’ve said  I will do in terms of knocking this novel into shape over the last few months and many have yet to be started. But at least the ideas are there, even if only in the early stages. Now I just need a large chuck of time to put things into action. Excuses again, I know, but life does have a habit of getting in the way, when you are not fortunate to be able to write full time. But I’m off on holibobs in just a matter of days, to Cornwall and I already have some thoughts of what I can gain from this much needed break in terms of my writing. I have a list scribbled, with may be more to be added, and I can already feel that by just being in the place that I need to be in terms of location, it can only have a positive effect. I want to use the time to really become my story and see it more clearly, the valuable thinking time that I am so desperately lacking. I try to close my eyes each time I sit down to write and transport myself there, into the world that I’m trying to create, much like I feel each time I pick up a book to read. So just physically being there, can only help me to move further forward still, I can’t wait!

June 2017- Turning the negatives into positives

Looking back at what I wrote last month, to see if I’ve followed through with what I promised myself. And I’d like to think that I have. I get all my thoughts out at the end of the month, and then quite often, promptly forget it all! (And I’m sure you would agree, as I more than likely repeat myself quite a lot!). I need to try and look back more, see if I’m moving forward.

As I would normally expect, the last few weeks have had their normal stops and starts. I know I want to write but there are times when I’m slow to get going. But what am I waiting for? I still feel that I’m somewhat lacking direction. I’ve carried on writing thoughts and ideas as they come, but just as before, my novel  continues to very much be a jumble of words with no clear structure. I know I will get there in the end, but I do need to at least have a vague idea of where I’m going and need to be; what still needs to be worked on.

I’ve started to work on re-drafting my synopsis in the hope that by getting the bones done, I can start to see things clearer, use it as guideline to be able to see what I still need to do, to help sort out the rest.  So far it’s been an interesting task, and I’ve yet to finish it. It is quite detailed in its current state and I’m sure it’s too long for a synopsis, but at least it’s getting me to see the bigger picture. There have been some spurts and paragraphs, but most of the work has been to look at my character outlines, giving more depth to them, so I can earn more about them. The synopsis is doing the same. My next plan is to create more visual aids- a timeline for example, particularly for my main character so I can plan out how her story unfolds. Mind maps too, for both the arcs and the characters, to see the links between everything, and what or who is not needed from the words I have already created. I’m not saying that I will start editing, that will need to wait until the first draft is finally finished, but it will be a good exercise to try and see the bigger picture, particularly when I feel so lost it in all. A list had been started too, for things to look out for when we’re in Cornwall, I’m determined to make the most out of the time there, as well as enjoy myself. It’s just what I need right now, and I’m counting down the days until we go.

I also feel a strong need to immerse myself in some writing books, to help me in some way to work out where I’m going wrong. A lot of the time my head feels like a coiled up spring, as I attempt to find something, anything to put on the glaringly blank page. I’m still reading, so I’m beginning to organise myself in a small way at least. The same goes for the articles that I see online, the inspiration from others that I retweet. I should be looking at why I share these things, read more!

‘Ride the wave. Know what to ride on and what to leave. How to hold your nerve. Believe in the story you are writing. Choose the wave that you want to jump on, even if it’s different to what others are doing. Do what is right for you’ Miranda Dickinson

Extremely sound advice from a reliable source. I do believe in the story that I’m writing, that I do now. And that’s why I haven’t given up. There certainly have been times when I’ve felt like it, that’s it not worth the grief I give myself.  But it is worth it. Writing has saved me when I’m feeling low, a way to express my feelings and process my thoughts. Maybe I should be using this more for my novel. Write your life. Turn the negatives into positives.  But I need to know, and I’m learning, when to give myself a break, to do something else. I can take inspiration from the blog to start with. There is proof that I can write a reasonable amount of words when I put my mind to it, and just in an hour or an evening. If I continue to wait for the right words, the muse, then nothing will happen. Prompts and thoughts help though and I can start trying something similar in my other writing, just important to keep the writing going whatever.

I’m learning that it’s okay to have a bad day, not to be able to want to write, and not beat myself up when that happens. Others would disagree I know, that I was procrastinating. But my mind will just not go there sometimes and that’s okay. Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start.

Never give up, Keep believing. 

May 2017- Am I a Writer??

I still feel so lost, despite my excitement and positivity at the start of the month. It certainly has been quite a up and down kind of a time. I’m feeling the need to write, but don’t necessarily feel that I always have the capacity and then that leads onto the self-doubt creeping in, as always. I have very much let work and general life take over this month, well it certainly feels that way. And then I just end up being frustrated at my lack of willpower, to be able to see that time as specific to writing, and finding excuses to do other jobs that need doing. But isn’t that true for most of us? But I can’t help that way it makes me feel, when I’ve not been able to do anything, wasting the time that I do have.  I’m awake early at the weekends, and some evenings before bed, they would be better utilised with a paragraph or two, but that never really seems to happen, like I’m waiting for something to appear and I can’t even begin to write without it. And I know that’s not right, but sometimes I just need that little bit of extra magic (and to turn my phone and internet off!) I got into quite a good routine, writing something each day and happy that I was doing just that, not putting the pressure on. But then you get the day after you’ve broken that routine, haven’t written anything for a few days, and I feel like I’m back at square one as I attempt to start from where I last stopped and end up getting completely stuck. Today has very much been one of those days so excuse the rambling of thoughts whilst the feeling of frustration is still so fresh.  I am completely lost once more with my novel and where it seems (or not) to be going. I just don’t know what to do next.

‘Don’t feel the pressure of completing the whole task at once. Take it one step at a time, whether that means one chapter or one page at a time.’

Extremely sound advice, and along with other useful points from my fellow writers, something I should very much be listening to at the moment. It's when I put the pressure on, or waste time that my confidence drops. When I’m just not really thinking, the words seem to come. So maybe that it part of finding my purpose as a writer. Just write the first thing that comes into my head, whether that carries on from where I’ve stopped or not. I find it easy when I’m not thinking too much, and whilst that may not be good in some ways (going off on a tangent, forgetting about the outline of my story and its other characters for a bit), its about getting words on a page, letting that one idea consume me, just for a bit. It’s amazing how one thought can spark a sentence and then that turns into a paragraph or a page as I let the idea take hold and see my pencil goes. There have been quite a few of these over the month, and as I flick back through my notebook, I can already see there are lots of words there, that the magic is still bubbling under the surface. I just tend to forget that on a bad day. I will continue to find ways to reignite my passion for my novel, and I WILL get there, it may just take me a while. Okay so maybe at the moment I have a large chunk of words dedicated to my main character, but I’m still trying to tell myself her story, and the rest will come as an when. And I think I would much rather write too much, before I begin the mammoth task of editing! I keep forgetting that the first draft doesn’t have to be perfect, just written, a new mantra to live by I think! And that thinking time, when I might just be staring into space, is just as valuable to the whole process as the actual writing, the looking at notes, maybe a bit of research all contributes to re-finding that passion for the story that I’m trying to tell, and only then maybe will things start to look a bit clearer, as I allow the haze to lift.

Just writing this blog and getting all my thoughts out is helping. I know what I need to do, and I have a list that I’m always adding too, but at least its there, reminding me, should I need a push. And  I have been doing some other writing here and there. One column was written and published, and another has already been scribbled, with a few other ideas on the horizon. I even managed a poem, which I haven’t written for a long time. In a world where there are horrors happening when we least expect them, I found writing helped me to get my thoughts down, to process everything, even if it wasn’t happening directly to me. I was wondering if I had the mind space to work on the short story ideas that I had for the competitions. Even though I liked my initial ideas and wanted to fellow them through, that has yet to happen, as I didn’t feel that I had enough time for it all. But now I realise that having maybe something else I could work on, when I’m stuck on the novel could be just as useful. Not only for keeping the mind whirring, but the physical task of the words on a page, whatever they may be. It’s about finding my writing mojo again after I let it disappear for a while. I don’t really want it to go away again.

And that’s another good reason for writing this blog. I read somewhere that no-one writes or reads these types of blogs any more, but I can see that my blog, as well as I’m sure many others, show that this is just not the case. Its been really lovely to see just how many people read my blog, which has increased in the last few months (and last month had the highest number of views since I started nearly three years ago). Whilst the comments have been lovely, and the re-tweets, essentially it’s not why I do it. We all need an outlet, a support network as writers, and this is part of mine. I just hope I’m reaching out to other struggling writers, much as the groups, podcasts etc. that I use do for me.

And so I guess, with a slightly renewed positivity in myself, its back to the notebook, until next time!

April 2017- Turning a corner?

It’s certainly been a strange month, and my feelings continued from March really, with not much achieved, or I certainly didn’t think so.  And it always amazes me that when I sit down to write this blog that a reasonable number of words come out in a relatively short space of time, so why can I not seem to do the same when it comes to my novel? 

But then looking back, although I may not have felt like I’ve done very much, there have been some glimmers of hope along the way and words on the page. The Lent challenge continued, with prompts for each day. I’ve yet to go back and read them all, but there may be some flashes of inspiration that I can use, who knows? But at least it got me into writing each day, even if (after doing my daily mile walk) I didn’t have time to do much else.  I’ve also been learning to not feel guilty and I do feel much better for it. By doing things in my own time and attempting to take the pressure off, I’m hoping  that it will continue to have a positive effect.  And by putting the main work to one side, whilst walking, working on my lent pieces and life taking over and me letting it (it has been a very busy month of days out, concert and rehearsals, plus a week’s holiday), I think it will be a good thing, that I will be able to see more clearly when I pick it up again.

And that may just be the case. As the month draws to a close, I am once more thinking about my novel and seeing what I need to be doing, to be working on. I’ve been continuing with the free writing a little, and by taking some of the pressure off, it has been interesting to see what comes, whether it be notes and ideas or continuing from where I left off. And I’ve learnt that it’s best to share your worries. I left a post within a Facebook group which includes most of the ladies from last month’s retreat, and  I should have done it ages ago! I couldn’t have asked for better support and helpful comments, as well as a little motivation boost. It really helps to know that you are not alone and that you know where to go to get the support that you need. Yes, I would love the group to be a physical one, but locations just don’t allow. And anyway, at least I’ve met all the people and we have a joint understanding of where we are and what we’re going through, it is much needed! It has certainly given me lots to think about.

‘Patience is not about the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting’

I’m excited again now to get writing and see what happens. I will take everything on board that I have been told and advice given, but instead of trying to do something now that I’m not quite ready for, I will just power through, get the story out and then look back. If I keep looking over everything now, the doubt will continue to seep through and I will never get to the end. So it’s taken me a couple of months to process, but I now think I’m turning a corner, starting to see where I need to be going. And other jobs can be done along the way as it all becomes clearer. I have to do things my way and in my own time. A deadline is good, and I will attempt to stick to that this year and get the first draft done, but I will take the pressure off. At this stage in my journey as a writer, I don’t have anyone else to answer to and I have to remember that. There is no magic number for the length of time it should take, so I will plod on and if it’s done before the end of the year, then that will just be a bonus!

And so I will once more go back to a quote I’ve used before, as it just resonates so much to me and how I feel, and I will abide by it!

‘I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul’ Invictus.

Short and sweet this month, what with everything else, and now I need to get writing!!