July 2017- Keep Showing Up….

And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing! It is a simple but extremely effective piece of advice, and one that I’m certainly living by, so thank you to Rowan Coleman! I am constantly being inspired and motivated by other writers, and I need to have that same belief in myself that I find in them. So here goes…. I AM a Writer, right now, thank you! (thanks Miranda Dickinson, yet again!!)

‘Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer.’ Alan W Watts

And so I am, writing that is. Okay, so there are days when I’ve been writing blindly with no real sense of direction, but a little something is surely better than a whole lot of nothing? I just need to keep trying to remember that. I have the desire to write, but no real plan, and perhaps that’s where I am lacking a little. That I need to have a some kind of plan, or an idea each time I sit down to write, maybe a note as I finish the previous paragraph as to my thoughts for the next part. At least it would help me to focus. A bit late to the party I know, but if I’ve learnt nothing else, its that you have to do these things at your own speed and realisation. So that’s what I’ve been doing quite a bit of this month, and the notebook (number 6!) is quickly filling up as I build on the part of the story that I decide to work on each day. That may be the same for a couple of days, slowing bringing things to life. Or it may be a  new idea that I feel the need to scribble and work on. Whatever, the main positive is that there are words on the page, or pages! And its been working well, as I sit down and quickly scan over where I’ve stop the previous day or session , and then begin to throw myself into what happens next. It’s been a while since I’ve worked like that, but it feels good. Like I’m slightly less disjointed, as I write and new ideas and thoughts come in as I work on a particular section.

But there is still very much a need to have some kind of outline, however rough so that I can see where I’m going. I spent a long time writing large chunks of what I now know is really the back story for my main character. But I don’t feel that the time was wasted. Along with the character outlines that I’ve been working on more recently, they have helped me to understand my characters fully, and see where the heart of my novel really is, and to begin the work on focusing on that instead. I’m learning things the hard way, but I am happy to be constantly learning, I just want to get it right and I know it is making me into a better writer too. I have all the ideas, I just need to continue putting them into practice and not let the fear that I can’t do it hold me back. And so that means going back to my synopsis yet again. The last re-write was too long and detailed and I felt I was getting a little lost, focusing on the wrong things. So I will be looking at again, through fresh eyes, and trying to make it the best I can, to give me the bare bones that I so desperately need to help me. Again, constantly learning.

‘Be brave and finish your story’ Miranda Dickinson

Like I said before, I feel I owe so much to the writers that I have had the great pleasure of getting to know. Just by one small sentence, they help me enormously.  Being brave is what writing is all about. Having that confidence in what you want to write and then sharing it with others, and the motivation to keep showing up each time, even if you don’t know how things will go. You need to overcome the fear in each moment and be the best version of yourself. ‘Life is a series of random events, some you win and some you lose’ And that’s okay, just so long as you don’t let the losses define how you move forward.  I’ve been working on typing up some of my scribbles alongside adding more to my notebook, and I’ve realised just how much my thought process is constantly changing. There are parts that I’ve written that I now don’t like and others that I do, that I’ve forgotten about. But for now, I just need to get it ALL down. The editing will come later. But how do you stop the new ideas filtering in and letting them change the course of the story that I’m trying to tell?  I still don’t know the answer to this, but once I have a better outline for my novel, maybe I will be able to filter these things better, see how they don’t fit with my current plan. My honest opinion is that even the best laid plans have chinks in them and I would love to hear from an author that hasn’t amended their novel in some way as they’ve gone along, that the end product differs from the initial idea, even in a small way. And that can only mean a better story right?

‘But when you re-read your writing, and even though it’s not perfect, it’s your own story and that’s kind of amazing’

And so as the month ends, I have lots to be positive about. I’ve written more that I’d expected, it makes sense and there is plenty more where that came from.  I’m proving to myself that I have it in me to make the best use of my time and just want can be achieved in that time, however small. I feel like I’m getting into the swing of things again, after a period of wandering a little aimlessly. I just started a new job at work, and I am certain that it is helping me with my writing. I feel happier and am a lot more focused in that respect, which seems to be rubbing off elsewhere, so long may it continue! There is a lot that I’ve said  I will do in terms of knocking this novel into shape over the last few months and many have yet to be started. But at least the ideas are there, even if only in the early stages. Now I just need a large chuck of time to put things into action. Excuses again, I know, but life does have a habit of getting in the way, when you are not fortunate to be able to write full time. But I’m off on holibobs in just a matter of days, to Cornwall and I already have some thoughts of what I can gain from this much needed break in terms of my writing. I have a list scribbled, with may be more to be added, and I can already feel that by just being in the place that I need to be in terms of location, it can only have a positive effect. I want to use the time to really become my story and see it more clearly, the valuable thinking time that I am so desperately lacking. I try to close my eyes each time I sit down to write and transport myself there, into the world that I’m trying to create, much like I feel each time I pick up a book to read. So just physically being there, can only help me to move further forward still, I can’t wait!