February 2018- Flying….

‘Find something you love doing and just fly with it’

That’s exactly what I’ve been doing and it has been my only constant for the last few weeks. What has kept me going is my writing and I think I would be lost without it now. And besides the obvious, I have been putting the words to good use.

For starters, writing through my emotions  to help understand and work on what’s going on in my head, and maybe using the words in other ways. To be perfectly honest, some days my writing is my only happy place. But I don’t want this entry to be all negative. And so instead I’ve been trying to put my personal frustrations, particularly at work into something more positive, by scribbling a column idea! I was particularly pleased with this as there have been points when I start to think that coming up with fresh ideas for the column begins to feel like a chore rather than something I’m excited about doing, which I was at the start.  But after 3 ½ years of writing 340 interesting words each month, that excitement quickly fades, even seeing it in print each time. But thankfully, just when I was on the verge of giving up on it, there was a small flurry and I have some ideas saved up now, which should last a few more months. I may still stop writing for it at some point, but not just yet. Writing shouldn’t feel like a chore, so once it does, that will be the right time. After all, writing, in whatever form should  be fun and exciting in its own way. So back to where I was, so easy to get carried away! I’m in a funny place right now with work, where it is too quiet. And while some crave that low point to have a chance to draw breath, I’m not one of those people. I like to be busy, challenged. So when I’m not, I struggle to motivate myself to do what little I do have. I’m also nearing the end of my secondment in my current role, and whilst I do have something different to move onto, which I’m looking forward to, it’s that strange time in-between and I would rather be writing! As much as I try not to worry too much, there are certainly days when I struggle to do what I’m paid to do. Thankfully I don’t seem to be having the same slump with my writing and for that I’m grateful. Onwards..

The epilogue is now written!! And I can tell you that it was an amazing feeling to have at least achieved that small goal. It might not seem like much, but it was a milestone for me and I can only hope that it will make the rest of the journey to completing my first draft that little bit easier. I’m already working on ideas that I’d already started but not finished for the earlier parts of the novel, so I’m beginning to fill the gaps and join the dots at least. And I’ve done what I said I would do. For the last few weeks, apart from a few scribbled thoughts, nothing new has been written, and instead I’ve carried on typing up what I already had. And up to today, 15.706 has been covered over the course of the month, with so much more to go. But I think that’s pretty good going! As I type, its bringing fresh ideas and thoughts, especially how I can expand on some areas. It’s really giving me the visualisation of how the novel will flow and feeling it all coming together, as well as using the time to think and build on. It’s certainly becoming an enlightening task as I remember where I was when I first wrote some of the words, and I’ve been using those memories to build in the excitement of those moments, making them feel much more real. I’m getting lost in my story again and that is a fantastic feeling.

‘Embrace the beautiful mess of a first draft- if all the bits are there, you can edit it later’

Sound advice  shared once again by the fantastic Miranda Dickinson.  And I do finally feel okay about it all. As Miranda also says, just reading this and realising I’m okay, has really ‘taken the fear away’ so thank you once again lovely lady, you remain a constant inspiration to me! As I continue to type, building even more of my story, I’m learning so much, especially about my characters and where I want them to go. I suppose in a way, the task of typing is almost like a second draft, as I see what I like and dislike and what can be added in and taken away. It’s a steep but enjoyable learning curve, but I’m getting there slowly!

And in other news… the short story I was working on was finished and submitted before the deadline, so it is just a waiting game now. I don’t have too much confidence in it getting anywhere, you never know, but I’m proud that I completed something by a specific, unmoveable deadline, so proof to myself at least! And it was good, just for a short while to work on something a bit different.  And on that note, I’ve recently had some thoughts and sparks of ideas for other short stories, maybe another novel, who knows? But whilst I’m excited, I’m also a little worried. Its ages since a new idea really grabbed me and began to form itself in my head, but I also don’t want to detract from my WIP. Can you have two big ideas at the same time?? I’m not sure. And so, whilst the new ideas continue to jump out, I duly write them down, but nothing more. I think I know that I have to finish number one first, to give it all that it deserves. After all, I don’t want to just give up on years of hard work and perseverance  when I feel I’m so close. So only when that is done, and I don’t feel I can do anymore, will I look at my other ideas and give them the time and head space that they need, and just hope the initial magic is still there.

So if you’ll excuse me, I have work to be getting on with…. J