I’ve just looked back at when I started this blog, over
two years ago now, wow. A new year brings with it a lot of weight, a time to
reflect on life and trying to make things better, a fresh start. A cliché I
know, but that’s just how I roll I’m afraid! I’m no different than many others,
setting myself goals and resolutions, that I will attempt not to break or give
up on. This WILL be the year my elusive first draft will be finished and I WILL
get a new job! Now I can’t say how long both of those will take, situations
depending, but I have twelve months at least. Starting positive is the only way
that I’ll ever move forward. The main purpose of this blog when I started it
was to share my writing journey and that is still the case, but over time it
has become much more than that too, and for that I’m grateful.
‘The way to get started is to quit talking and begin
doing’ Walt Disney
‘Without being brave, you’re not going to achieve
anything’ Richard Branson
And having a read of some of my early posts, its
probably about the same amount of time since I started work on my novel. I
still can’t quite believe it really. It started as a short story idea and I
didn’t really think beyond that when I started writing it, but its certainly
been quite a journey so far, and I’m still a way off from finishing. But then
they do say that it can take years to finish that first novel so I will
continue to persevere and I plan to at least get the first draft finished this
year, that is my main goal! And looking over what I’ve achieved so far, I’m
proud of what I’ve done, even if its not there yet, its still my biggest
project to date. And so that’s how my year began, by working on my novel and
typing up yet more words to bring me up to date. Another 30 pages of type
with 10133 words scribbled since my last typing up session in November. Its
always a lot more than you think and I proved to myself that I can write good
chunks of story without realising, and that’s easily done when written by hand.
I surprise myself all the time with how much I do especially when it feels
like I haven’t done anything for a while. Just the task of typing up helps the
perspective and for me to get going again. This project has very much been done
in fits and starts and it will continue much in the same way I suspect, but at
least its going, most of the time anyway! I have lots of notes and ideas
scribbled, I just need to take them somewhere now… There have been nights where
I’ve fallen asleep dreaming of my novel, and I feel that’s how it should be, but
unfortunately it doesn’t happen as often as I would like. I’ve been reading
quite a few different novels set in Cornwall recently, thanks to some very
thoughtful Christmas presents from my Mum
and thanks to those and the task of typing up the words already written, its
got me going again, picking up the baton again after a short break. I
think I needed that small reminder of why I started my novel in the first place
and that extra push in the right direction. It re-sparked my enthusiasm and I
feel that I’m starting to see it properly again. And a good thing really as I prepare
for going on my writing weekend in just over a months time. I have lots of work
to do and its all becoming very real, but it will be a good incentive to
finally get things in some kind of order, well the start at least! It will be
the synopsis that I struggle with I think, as I have to know where I’m heading,
and currently that’s still a little hazy. I need to immerse myself in both the
world and the characters of my novel.
‘If you have the words, there’s always a chance you’ll
find the way’ Seamus Heaney
In a bid to try and stay focused on the task in hand, I
am continuing with my writing log on a daily basis, and its particularly
helpful on those bad days to see that it all eventually balances out, and again
that I’ve achieved more than I thought. Something else I’m trialing is giving
myself a small goal each day, such as working on something specific, in the
hope that in the snatched time that I do have, I can achieve more than I think.
Its still early days in that respect but we will see if it works. Despite
discovering that I wanted to write about three years ago, I still feel very new
to the craft. But then I realise that deep down the creative part of me was
always there, when I would devour books at school as well as my diary writing,
and I always loved writing essays and pieces for projects. It just took me
longer to realise I could do it for myself and start writing poems and short
stories before tackling my novel. I’m always learning, every day and not just
about my writing either, but also myself and my beliefs. Reading novels as well
as non-fiction alongside my writing has finally started to make a difference. I’m
becoming much more critical and noticing things, both bad and good and in turn
am them noticing points in my own writing. Its certainly a learning curve, but
a useful one.
Writers Group has been interesting this month. I have
been persevering after my concerns over whether I would carry on and I have to
say that I’m glad. We have working a lot on critiquing other’s work and how it
should be done correctly, to give constructive feedback and ask the proper
questions. After a long break from reading anything myself as I felt that I had
nothing ‘ready’, I decided to share a piece I’m currently working on, with a
view to submitting it for a competition as well as the next anthology. And I’m
glad I did. Not only did I get some good feedback and ideas to go forward, I
realised that a piece doesn’t have to be finished to be considered for critique.
In fact, the complete opposite is better, to be able to get the most out of the
whole process. We also had a workshop on
developing characters which was useful to understand the questions I need to
ask of not only my main character but also all other characters so I really
know them. It will be good exercise moving forward.
And so as we reach the end of the month, I can honestly
say its overall been a positive one, but just today I’ve been having a crisis
of confidence, in everything. And that’s not good. Reading through my short
story, and given that the deadline is looming, I now feel its not good enough
and that’s a horrible feeling. As I write this, I’m still not sure how to
change it and even if I have the time to do it properly. I’m hoping that the
fear of ones self and whether you can write is a common one and tomorrows a new
day when I aim to feel better and more normal and able to find my ‘happy place’
once more.
‘Never lose your sparkle’ Miranda Dickinson
‘When fear knocks you down, faith is what picks you up’ Mickey Mouse
